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The Macalope Weekly: So much better than Apple

The Macalope | Feb. 4, 2013
As if you needed any more evidence, the Macalope this week brings you three tales of how Apple's competitors are once again smoking the company with the winning. Your feeble 128GB iPad is no match for the computing power of the Surface, Apple!

... and at just the right moment in its cultural ascendance, giving the South Korean gadget giant another notch on its "better-than-Apple" belt.

Knowing Samsung, it probably has an actual belt that it calls its "better-than-Apple" belt, because that's what companies that are better than other companies do. Have belts that show how awesome they are. It's probably got a buckle the size of a Galaxy Note.

Looking over the various appeals from both sides on that $1 billion jury ruling from this summer, U.S. District Judge Lucy Koh denied motions late Tuesday night from both sides for a retrial and ruled that Samsung didn't willfully infringe on Apple's patents, meaning it didn't copy specific "trade dresses" on purpose.

Right! Now you can prove that Samsung is only a copycat savant, not that it copied the designs on purpose. In your face, Apple! Not that this ruling has anything to do with the payout Apple already won. Samsung still has to pony up $1 billion, but total moral victory! And in business, aren't moral victories what it's all about?

What are these profits of which you speak?

Because Samsung's phone designs weren't willfully a rip-off, it doesn't owe Apple any more money ...

Just a billion dollars. That's like hardly even worth mentioning.

While Samsung's Galaxy S phones enjoyed major fanboy love, the company reported record-high profits.

Unlike Apple which ... erm ... always gets major fanboy love and reports record-high profits.

Wait, so is "fanboy love" now a good thing? The Macalope thought it was so very lame when people lined up for phones. He remembers seeing that in a commercial once. Very confusing.

Well, you can't make an argument omelet without breaking a few of the eggs of reality, right?

 

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