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The Macalope Special Edition: Fools of the Year

The Macalope | April 2, 2013
While the rest of the Internet braces itself for lame practical jokes, the Macalope once again doles out his assortment of hoof-made awards to those pundits who went below and beyond the call of duty in what they perceive is their job: trolling Apple. Why do they do it? The reasons vary from personal gain to inner demons to some kind of weird chemical imbalance. Remember, we're not here to judge them as people--that's for a vengeful god to do. No, we're just here to judge them as pundits who opine about Apple. And, whew, is there a lot of judging to be done.

In March of 2007.

Remember, dear readers, punditry can never fail. It can only be failed.

7 - Rob Enderle

The problem with long-time Fool of the Year fixture Rob Enderle is not so much the man himself--or even what he says--as it is the writers who continue to quote him on matters pertaining to Apple. Here's a clue, technology writers: When Rob is naysaying Apple by suggesting it's a "declining company," he's just carrying water for his clients, who are, to a company, Apple's competitors. Of late he's been touting BlackBerry, even though it's not on his current client list. Which either means he's looking to expand his client list or he's just being goofy. Everybody needs a hobby.

6 - Heidi Moore

Rocketing out of nowhere (is it too late to send her back?) to the number six spot, The Guardian's Heidi Moore checks in with not one but two "Apple is a religion" pieces. First Moore saw Tim Cook holding a few press events as the CEO saying Apple's still "a religion. Please, please, baby, start worshipping us again." Then, in February, she devoted more than two thousand words to this stunning thesis, which no one else has ever presented in such thoughtful detail. And by "thoughtful detail" the Macalope means "every trite religious metaphor you can shake a mitre at." A cool 48 million people bought iPhones in the last quarter of 2012, and to Moore they're all religious fanatics. This is one meme that needs an exorcism badly.

5 - Katherine Noyes

Back on the list, 2011 Fool of the Year winner has made an art of sticking her fingers in her ears and yelling "OPEN ALWAYS WINS LA-LA-LA-LA-LA I CAN-NOT HEAR YOU!" In June, Noyes said Android was "beating out" iOS in the enterprise, based on one poll that showed more first-time tablet buyers reporting they were going to buy Android tablets. The Macalope's not sure why Noyes cares, having declared tablets "a fad" back in 2011 and predicting that it would "fade out of the mainstream over the next few years." Good call! Noyes also bought into a report that Google would launch five Nexus devices in the fall, which would end Android fragmentation and remove "any disadvantage Android might face in its ongoing competition with Apple." Noyes will still talk your ear off about how open-source is inherently more secure, just don't bring up Android malware or you'll make her head explode. She's been quiet on the Apple subject since summer, though, so one can only hope that she's decided to just play with her open-source ball in her yard, which is also open-source.


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