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The Macalope: Don't look back in anger or happiness

The Macalope | Feb. 7, 2014
Well, it was only a matter of time before someone published a piece saying Apple's celebration of 30 years of the Mac spelled D-O-O-M, but the Macalope wasn't really expecting it would be The New Yorker.

Oh, wait, that's the same hand. Care to argue that Apple's hiring of Burberry CEO Angela Ahrendts was a mistake? Thought not. At any rate, we all know that Apple never had an executive that didn't work out before cough, Papermaster, cough.

Which you'd think Kane would know, since she wrote an article on his exit for the Wall Street Journal at the time. Very strange. It's almost like she's trying to promote some kind of idea here for some other purpose. Wonder what that could be.

People who shouldn't leave are leaving, or, in the case of the mobile-software executive Scott Forstall, being fired.

This is just a thing you can say! You can say it without backing it up in any way! It's so awesome! Was Forstall a big proponent of skeuomorphism, a design philosophy that many people felt was holding iOS back? Who cares! Was Forstall a gigantic pain in the ass who was driving other, equally talented executives out of the company? Who cares! Not Kane or The New Yorker, apparently.

Mistakes, in turn, are being made:

Unlike when Steve Jobs was CEO and no mistakes were made ever. Seriously, it's fallen to the Macalope to remind people of Antennagate and the options scandal and iPod socks?

... Apple Maps was a fiasco ...

Apple Maps mention! Take a drink.

... and ads, like the company's short-lived Genius ads and last summer's self-absorbed manifesto ad, have been mediocre.

Aaand we just won't mention December's Christmas ad. Because it was lovely.

Apple's latest version of its mobile operating system, iOS 7, looks pretty but is full of bugs and flaws.

It is literally full of them. You can't even add apps to iOS 7 there are so many bugs and flaws.

As for innovation, the last time Apple created something that was truly great was the original iPad, when Jobs was still alive.

The Mac Pro does not exist. Also, it was like three days between the iPod announcement and the iPhone announcement. Steve Jobs used to do these unveilings twice a week. These are just facts, people.

Although the company's C.E.O., Tim Cook, insists otherwise ...

What does that guy know?

... Apple seems more eager to talk about the past than about the future.

Not "showing an ad on TV" kind of eager, but ...

A nostalgic, backward-looking ad couldn't come anywhere close to "1984," which challenged the status quo and started a religion.

Religion! Finish your drink!

It's very strange. This is an article almost devoid of real content: It starts with a tweet and then tries to throw a bunch of stuff at the wall that, to a point, are belied by history. Why would someone ...

Wait a second.

Yukari Iwatani Kane is a former Apple beat reporter for the Wall Street Journal. Her book, "Haunted Empire: Apple After Steve Jobs," is due out in March.

Surprise!

Drink again.

 

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