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The Macalope Daily: Trying too hard

The Macalope | Feb. 4, 2013
Dan Lyons would really like us to notice him. Really.

So much so that last year Apple tossed out the guy who ran its iOS software division.

Is that why? The Macalope thought it was because he was such a jerk that it was getting hard to keep other good executives.

Then there's screen size. With Apple you get two sizes: tiny and not-quite-as-tiny-but-still-frustrating.

Tiny. A four-inch screen is now "tiny." The Macalope is so old that he remembers when people speculated about Apple using hand models with huge, oven-mitt-sized hands to make the original iPhone look smaller, because smaller was better and the original iPhone was laughably large. Keep moving those goal posts!

Lyons goes on to conflate flame-throwers like Gizmodo and a bunch of commenters on Twitter with all Apple bloggers. You know, as you do when you're trying to tar an entire user group.

Of course if Apple comes out with a breakthrough TV its business will take off like a rocket again. Better yet, if Apple produces a TV we will be treated to the spectacle of seeing its chorus of fanbloggers becoming overnight experts on television technology and sharing their wisdom at great length on things like chamfers, bezels, aspect ratios, color saturation, contrast ratio and all the other aspects of industrial design that only incredibly sophisticated, Dieter Rams-loving aesthetes can truly appreciate.

It does not enter Lyons's realm of possibility that it could just be better, through software or services or design--like the original iPhone was better than every other smartphone at the time.

... and therefore those TVs will appeal only to homeless people and people who have no education and no taste or who can't afford an Apple TV because they collect welfare and live in the ghetto, if you know what I mean, nudge nudge wink wink.

Sigh. You don't have to be poor to not want to spend anything on a smartphone. You could also just not care. But you can, legitimately, get an Android phone for less, even though carriers give away iPhones (with a contract). This is why people still say Apple needs a "cheap" phone. Lyons, ever in a rush to tar Apple fans, glosses over this.

Shocking, the Macalope knows. To think that Lyons would gloss over facts in his rush to ... well, no, the Macalope can't even fake that.

Well, Dan, just didn't want you to think we haven't noticed these coyly-produced mash notes to us. They still sicken us, of course, but we've noticed.


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