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The Macalope Daily: Disappointment city

The Macalope | Sept. 11, 2012
Editor’s Note: The Macalope Daily is an exclusive benefit for our Macworld Insider members, but is being made available to all Macworld readers for a limited time. To learn more about this and other features, visit our Macworld Insider information page.

Remember last year when everyone was so disappointed in the iPhone 4S because it wasnt called an iPhone 5? Well, youll love this years sequel!

Wait, did the Macalope say love? He meant loathe. Sorry about that.

Yes, as much as the huddled masses cried out for an iPhone 5 last year (but still bought the iPhone 4S in droves, albeit bitter and heavily disappointed droves), an iPhone 5 this year is too little, too late.

Wait, how exactly do people know this when it hasnt even been announced yet? Well, if you think little things like facts and the linear nature of time are going to stop people from whining and complaining about things they know nothing about then you dont know tech punditry, brother.

For months now pundits have railed about how Samsung and others were totally owning Apple with phones so big that you need a dedicated cargo pocket in your tactical Internet pants. Now that Apple is expected to make an iPhone with a larger screen, were told how lame it is. Insufficiently large! Too late! Wrong aspect ratio (even if picking a different one would have meant other sacrifices)!

No one, seemingly, is more disappointed than eWeeks Wayne Rash. So disappointed is Rash, that he had to spread his disappointment over two pages to maximize page views, just so the hurting would go away.

iPhone 5, Despite Apple Hype, Will Be Disappointingly Conservative

Hmm. Despite Apple hype. Which hype from Apple would that be? The fact that the company hasnt said a word about the thing until last week when it announced an event that it wont even admit is about an iPhone? That hype?

Secretly, deep down inside, you probably also know that this new iPhone will not be as innovative as youd hoped it would be.

Actually, no, in as much as the Macalope is not secretly, deep down inside, clairvoyant. Rumors are not facts, Wayne. If they were, wed all be talking about the cool Amazon phone that was introduced last week.

But while the new screen will have a 16:9 aspect ratio needed by video, it will still only be about 4 inches.

Only. People demand aircraft carrier-sized phones, people! Theres no denying it! Well, other than the millions and millions of people who buy iPhones.

Im sure that there will be some cool new features that iPhone true believers will find irresistible.

ITS A CULT. A GIANT, UNBELIEVABLY MASSIVE CULT.

But will they make the iPhone 5 something that people who might otherwise buy an Android or Windows phone change course? Probably not.

Translation: I do not understand how Apple designs a phone. At all. Seriously, no clue. I just understand features.

 

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