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Smartphones are evil: 11 weird Google Suggest results, and what they tell us about tech in 2014

Matt Egan | July 24, 2014
Smartphones are evil. Macs are crap. Apple is dying. Everything you need to know about tech, from Google Suggest.

(As a bonus aside: 'Google is...' returns results for Google Isreal, conspiracy fans.)

Apple is...

Apple is dying. Yes. A billion Dollars a quarter and poor old Apple is on its uppers. As missives from planet bonkers go, this is a doozy.

Apple is not dying. But the popularity of the search term shows that (a) a proportion of web searchers will that it was so and (b) plenty of commenters are happy to write exactly that. Apple is a very successful organisation that is coming to terms with its move from innovative outsider to true tech giant. And it is doing so with a good amount of cash in the bank.

Still, isn't it sweet that even in a world as obsessed with tech as is ours, the top result for 'Apple is' is still of the fruity persuasion?

Macs are...

Macs are crap according to Google search's suggestions. And that is palpably not true. But an examination of the other answers shows that this is not entirely a fair fight.

Macs are also for idiots, apparently. Which seems harsh. Non gamers, sure. People with specs, non-ironic beards and non-denim slacks, absolutely. But anyone who can afford a Mac is surely more than just an idiot. A rich idiot at worst, right?

There is hope for humanity, however. Another of the suggested answers is 'Macs are PCs'. It's like, hey, Macs are also PCs guys. Let's sit down and lace daisies into each others' hair. Peace.

PCs are...

I knew that couldn't last long. PCs are better than Macs apparently. But then, PCs are also dying. This is so confusing. Look, can't we just all be friends? The desktop PC is in decline, although I wouldn't expect it to die out completely. Meanwhile the PC vs Mac debate continues to rage, interesting only those people who care about two different kinds of very similar consumer product.

Facebook is...

And now we come to some Suggest answers that reveal a lot about tech and user behaviour. First up is Facebook. A search for 'Facebook is...' reveals the number one suggestion as 'Facebook is down'. Oh Facebook. You are both required and loved, but also flakey. And when people can't access you the first thing they do is head to Google to find out why. This is interesting because...

Twitter is...

Twitter is (also) down, apparently. Same same, match match. Both Twitter and Facebook require immense server power and supremely good coding just to stay up. But the first suggestion on any search for either is 'down'. We demand that our services are only ever up.

It's also interesting to note that where Google suggests Twitter is also 'a waste of time', Facebook is merely 'bad'. I can't decide which is better. Probably the former - many of my favourite things are a total waste of time.

 

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