Before we begin, please extinguish all cigarettes and put your tray tables in their upright and locked position. Because you're going to want to jam that cigarette in your eye and hit your head against the tray table when you read the "modest" suggestion of the Wall Street Journal's Christopher Mims.
The Macalope is going to go ahead and say that this is a terrible idea and not just because he has a head shaped like a Classic Mac.
Apple Inc. has the kind of "problems" few companies in history could dream of.
Chief among them is the constant fire hose of absurd suggestions as to how they can "improve" their already amazing business. Replace Tim Cook! Give stuff away for free! Cut out giant parts of your business!
Not to put too fine a point on it but these pieces do nothing more than show how clearly there is a very good reason why Apple's executive corps is paid to run Apple and these pundits are paid to not run Apple.
If you'd like a serious deconstruction of Mims' argument, Glenn Fleishman obliges. If you'd like to point and laugh, well, you're in the right place.
But Apple is still people...
Just like soylent green.
...and its leaders have only so much time.
Mims' time would be better spent on things other than trying to figure out how to get Tim Cook to say "Here, hold my beer." before getting on that BMX bike and taking off toward the flimsily constructed ramp at the edge of the Olympic-sized swimming pool.
Which is precisely why Apple should kill off what is perhaps its most-refined brand: The Mac.
It is a good thing he put that in the title because Macs are not warranty-protected against spit takes.
I realize this is heresy...
No! No, it's not "heresy". It's lunacy. They sound alike but they are not.
...but if you'll indulge me...
What do you think we've been doing? We're in paragraph four already. That's plenty indulgent for a premise like this.
...I think you'll find it a useful exercise in thinking about both what makes Apple such an exceptional company and how hubris is the ultimate downfall of all empires.
You know what contributes to the ultimate downfall of all empires? Bad decisions.
Also Huns. Every time. Very strange.
At last week's Worldwide Developer Conference, Apple's annual confab for the faithful, it was hard not to get the impression that the company is stretched thin.
Apple both didn't announce enough stuff -- video streaming service, new Apple TV, iPad Pro, iCar -- and it announced too much stuff. Because Apple.
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