There was a strong theme of self-congratulation in this week's iOSphere rumors about the iPhone 6: we already "know" so much about this phone, and of course about Apple's plans. Or at least about what Apple should be doing.
Or anyway, damn- it, about what's really important in smartphones.
We know so much, in fact, that one blogger boldly proclaimed the iPhone 6 is already a loser. Another urgently urged Apple to rush the iPhone 6 into release to staunch the hemorrhaging of customers who are choosing bigger-screen phones from rivals.
Others optimistically noted that Chinese assembly plants are getting ready to get ready to be about to start assembling the Next iPhone, or something; and that it will have an "Ultra-Retina" display. Still others found yet another reason to hate the iPhone 5c: it's delaying the iPhone 6 release.
You read it here second.
iPhone 6 is already a failure
This is the kind of article that makes the iOSphere great: you review a product that hasn't been announced yet, about which nothing is known with any certainty, and conclude that it's a lousy product.
And the fact that it probably generates huge page views has nothing to do with it.
The blogpost, "6 Reasons the iPhone 6 Has Already Lost," is by Avram Piltch, LaptopMag's Online Editorial Director, and winner of this week's award for Most Audacious Use of the iPhone 6 in Clickbait Journalism.
Piltch starts by saying Apple fans have been gobbling up rumors of how awesome and magical the iPhone 6 will be. "However, even the hottest rumor mill in tech can't turn this device into a winner," Piltch declares. "Based on everything we know now, the next iPhone will be a year late and a bitcoin short of the competition, doing nothing to slow Apple's descent from smartphone pioneer to high tech has-been."
If that doesn't get your heart-racing, you're probably still using the Nokia 6680 of 10 years ago.
Keep in mind, Piltch is explaining why a phone that hasn't been announced, which is only described in rumors, is a certifiable failure, a loser.
He gives six reasons: weak camera, poor battery life/no removable battery, no NFC, few sharing options, weak keyboard, and limited customization.
We're not going to go through all of these in depth, in part because many others quickly did, which is the other reason why the iOSphere is great: we get to read blogposts like "The worst article about the iPhone 6 has already been written," by TUAW's Mike Wehner.
After running through the deficiencies of Piltch's analysis, Wehner concludes, "So no, none of these reasons seem to be even remotely within the realm of a deal breaker' for the as-of-yet unannounced iPhone 6."
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