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iPad 5 rumor rollup for the week ending May 16

John Cox | May 17, 2013
Even before summer, the iOSphere languishes in the iPad rumor doldrums, apparently having exhausted itself with hopes for a Retina display iPad mini 2, and the A7 chip for the iPad 5. But there is hope: The Rollup uncovered the radical iPadiGlasses, in an exclusive report.

Combine it with this companion chart showing cumulative sales for the same three products. iPad so far has been growing at a faster rate than iPhone did initially: It reached the 100 million unit mark in 10 quarters, while the iPhone reached it in 16.

iPad mini 2 in radical new form factor, and new name: iPadiGlasses
In general, the Next iPad rumors this week were so impoverished, so unimaginative, so lame, so well, you get the idea. Anyway, The Rollup thinks you deserve better.

So, the Rollup polled a key group of anonymous tipsters from all levels of the rumor supply chain, who are familiar enough with Apple's plans to be able to embroider them extravagantly, and we created our own rumor: the iPadiGlasses. We even have an actual photograph, no matter what anyone says, shown here of an actual prototype recently seen, apparently, at a beerhouse somewhere between Cupertino and Mountain View.

As you can see, it consists of not one but two radically revamped iPad minis, minied still further, and working in tandem: Together, they create a 16:9 aspect ratio big-screen, totally immersive HD experience. The "lenses" use a radical new transparent, lightweight, Superduper AMOLED (SdAMOLED) tinted glass that doubles as stylish sunglasses. Finally, all those weird patents for curved screen technology make sense: iPadiGlasses 2 will have "wrap-around" lenses.

Finally, Apple gets rid of the home button. A mere glance triggers the home screen. It's now revealed that Apple did not buy Authentic for its fingerprint sensor, but for its highly secret retina scanning sensor, now built into iPadiGlasses, and dubbed "Retina scan" in keeping with the unit's Retina display.

The UI can work by eye and head movements, like twitches and jerks. But Apple didn't stop there: It's added facial recognition software that detects and responds to grimaces, sneers, leers, and even tears.

The rumored curved battery is now a fact: embedded in the frame. The A7XYZ processor, code-named "zowie," along with memory and storage, and all that other stuff, is contained in a slender hinged compartment at the back of the iPadiGlasses.

And, finally, Apple has included a radical new Near Field Communications chip and software so you can use your iPadiGlasses as a mobile wallet. You just bend over and tap the glasses against the cash register or other NFC reader.

No information on pricing. At long last, we now know why Tim Cook delayed everything until next fall.

 

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