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BLOG: The 'cult' of the Apple Store

Xavier Toby (via SMH) | July 11, 2013
The Apple Store is like a really smug cult.

Is it an Apple Store or the queue to get John Farnham comeback tour tickets?
Is it an Apple Store or the queue to get John Farnham comeback tour tickets? Photo: Jeffery Chan

Inside every Apple Store there's really only ever four things for sale. iPhone, iPod, iPad or Macbook. Which you can get at about a hundred different stores. In the same shopping centre. For exactly the same price.

There's also the staff in that same shirt with hipster flourishes like over-styled hair, subtle tattoos and designer glasses who, if they didn't work for Apple, would be selling Foxtel subscriptions, or raffle tickets.

Then up the back are the 'geniuses'. When they're not at work, we all know they're shooting at each other and designing farms and chatting up hot girls. Virtually.

At the register there's always that one hot girl in black-rimmed glasses. The nerds are too scared to talk to her and she's already knocked back all the sales guys since she's dating the assistant manager.

The Apple Store is like a really smug cult.

Whenever a new Apple Store opens people still line up overnight just to be the first in there. It's not like they're selling anything worth lining up for. Such as tickets to the Grand Final. Or a Kylie concert. Or another John Farnham comeback tour. Come on, who wouldn't gladly go another round of 'Whispering Jack'?

But despite a company that's got about $76 billion in cash, you'd think their i-thingy's would be waterproof.

Every iPhone can still be destroyed by something that's so abundant that it falls from the sky, and we've got it on tap. It's like having a flying car that melts when it rains.

So many people I know have ruined an iPhone by spilling something on it. Which we all know is code for, "I dropped it in the toilet". What a person chooses to do next, I believe is one of the greatest dilemmas facing society today.

There's poo in that toilet. And a phone. And what if it still works? It's going to cost hundreds for a new one. How much would it take for a person to potentially touch their own excrement?

Everyone has a number, and it's often a very different number. Finding out is a great party game. Play it at your next dinner party, just make sure until everyone has finished eating.

If it were me, I'd be straight in there. No hesitation, I'd be immediately into that toilet for that phone. Doesn't even have to be my phone. Or my poo.

So I took my poo phone into the Apple Store and the genius up the back told me, "This phone has been water damaged."


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