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Unreality check: The made-up case against Tim Cook

The Macalope | July 14, 2015
Can you believe Tim Cook is still CEO of Apple? Man, how many times does this guy have to screw up to get fired?

All anyone has to do is watch an episode of Arrow. It's nothing but Microsoft Surfaces. Not an iPad or MacBook Air to be found. Clearly, Apple is doomed.

Now, if Robinson's bus or subway car is bigger than China, maybe there'd be cause for concern. As it is, however, not so much.

Now, I don't have time here, nor time in the context of my overall life to fully dissect all of Cook's misrepresentations...

No, I just have time to link to a couple of context-less videos and string together some absurd anecdotes. Then it's off to lunch!

Cook, like his megalomaniac predecessor certainly would have...

So, Cook is like Steve Jobs? So confused now.

...reasserted the fundamental lie that Android was more susceptible to malware than Apple's iOS.

There are very few serious security researchers who doubt this is true in any way. Most of the ones who say it's otherwise are trying to get Apple to open iOS to their crappy antivirus software. There are benefits to Android's more open architecture, but they come at a cost.

Proof of Cook's inaccuracies, for anybody interested enough to care, can be found in the Business Insider' article entitled "Google Just Demolished Tim Cook's Case Against Android."

Let's just say a Business Insider piece by Jim Edwards has all the clout of Donald Trump opining on how great Donald Trump is. Like dropping a hammer on a planet with a positive gravity and just knowing it'll fall, you don't have to see what Edwards has written to know that it'll be anti-Apple.

So, according to Robinson, Google only tells the truth, Apple only tells lies. Got it. Good info. Glad for the clarification. Seems reasonable, not sure why we didn't pick up on this before. When Tim Cook says iOS is more secure, he's desperate. When Sundar Pichai says Android is more secure, he's "filled with very real facts and numbers". Tim Cook's numbers: Lies. Pichai's numbers: Real facts. Important to know. Please update your player cards.

Here's Robinson's take on the Apple Watch:

Another "imperfect," overpriced product, too-late and too-far-behind the superior Pebble Steel and Samsung Gear.

Which... ugh, what's a mythical beast supposed to do with that burnt-out husk of an argument? You can't even light it on fire, it's utterly inert. Apple sold more Watches in a weekend than Android Wear did in all of 2014. Facts. What are they? Who knows?

Even Taylor Swift can kick Tim Cook's (and Eddy Cue's) butt.

"Even" Taylor Swift kicked Apple's butt! Hang on, the Macalope has to add Robinson to

Taylor Swift is a freaking empire. Her work is an incredibly important product that Apple couldn't afford to not have on their virtual shelf. That gives her power. But she must be denigrated in order to make Apple look weak.


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