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iTunes music downloads we regret

Philip Michaels | April 29, 2013
The great thing about the iTunes Store is that you can buy just about any song you can imagine, cheaply and easily. And the worst thing about the iTunes Store? Sometimes you can buy those songs a little too easily.

The great thing about the iTunes Store is that you can buy just about any song you can imagine, cheaply and easily. And the worst thing about the iTunes Store? Sometimes you can buy those songs a little too easily.

Apple's retail store for digital downloads has been open for a decade now, and in that time, you've probably loaded up on a lot of music. And you don't have to tell us that some of those downloads probably seemed like a good idea at the time. In honor of the 10th anniversary of the iTunes Music Store, I combed through my purchase history to find some of the instances where I could have spent my 99 cents more wisely. Perhaps my confessions of regrettable musical choices will make you feel better about your own iTunes indiscretions over the last 10 years. At the very least, I hope my embarrassing selections serve as a reminder that when it comes to hitting that download button in Tunes, sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.

More One-Hit Wonders Than I Can Count

Just after the iTunes Store opened its virtual doors, my paymasters at Macworld wanted an article on the depth and breadth of the store's initial offerings. Among the more hare-brained of my assorted schemes to survey the store's selection: See how many of VH1's Top 100 One-Hit Wonders I could download from iTunes. The answer, at the time? 39. The cost to my psyche whenever "It's Raining Men" has popped up on random shuffle during the ensuing decade? Incalculable.

"Wait, you went ahead and actually downloaded all those songs?" you may be asking. "Why not just keep a running tally and leave it at that?"

Because I am devoted to my craft.

"Well, fine. So why keep them in your iTunes library all this time?"

Because shut up is why.

Word to my mother? My mother was a saint, Vanilla Ice!

Besides, there are a few enjoyable tunes among those 39 otherwise regrettable downloads. Hearing the occasional "Tainted Love" from Soft Cell or "Come On Eileen" from Dexy's Midnight Runners more than makes up for the random appearances by Vanilla Ice crooning "Ice Ice Baby" or The Divinyls offering up their musical tribute to onanism with "I Touch Myself." (That's a fun conversation to have with HR, by the way.) And it could have been worse: As committed as I was to downloading every one-hit wonder I could, I blanched at paying 99 cents for Billy Ray Cyrus's "Achy Breaky Heart." I wish I could travel back in time and shake the hand of the 2003 version of me.

 

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