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The 33 worst lines ever said by tech recruiters

JR Raphael | Oct. 6, 2015
Tech recruiters say the darndest things. How many of these cringeworthy pronouncements have you heard?

Is it me, or do some of these bring to mind the stereotypical sitcom dad who buys an outfit from Hollister, then tries to use teenage vernacular to impress his son's friends?

See for yourself:

9. "We're looking for a code ninja..."

10. "We're looking for a Java wizard..."

11. "We're looking for someone truly brilliant, and so we're willing to offer a lot:
-- Bomb equity
-- Bomb salary"

12. "Want to work with a team of diverse rock stars?"

13. "Would it help if I told you that I was helping out with ninja engineer hiring for Facebook?"

14. "Chuck Norris coding skills required."

15. "EliteCoder you = new EliteCoder("Can you code with the best?");"

Almost makes you want to karate chop a motherboard, doesn’t it?

Category C: The shamelessly overselling recruiter

Sometimes, a company is just a company -- and a job is just a job. Don't tell that to your average tech recruiter, though; as far as some are concerned, every opportunity for employment is an insane chance to join a killer organization like no other (even if it is best described by comparing it to half a dozen existing companies).

Cases in point:

16. "The company is the first of its kind, as it is 100 percent focused on the integration of mobile/wearables and enterprise."

17. "Think of it as meets LinkedIn meets Facebook with real privacy."

18. "Our product combines many elements of Facebook, eBay, Blogger, PayPal, and Etsy."


Yeah! And it's in all caps, too -- so you know it has to be, like, totally awesome, bro.

Category D: The woefully-out-of-touch recruiter

Whether it's being tone-deaf to cultural appropriateness or being clueless to current tech trends, some recruiters sure have a way with words. Sheesh, who wouldn't be tempted by these offers?

20. "We're building a dynamic team that lives on the bleeding edge of technology with a unique opportunity to work on the Silverlight platform. Prior experience with Adobe Flash highly desired."

21. "The best way to negotiate is not to negotiate at all ... so tell me exactly what you're making."

22. "What we can offer:
-- Meeting and partying with international sports superstars
-- Drinking beer instead of Jolt-coke
-- Making it rain on them hoes ...

We expect you to:
-- be totally gay for code"

23. "The environment is hip and modern, and very inclusive and friendly to women and other weirder types."

See? I knew all that equal opportunity stuff would eventually pay off.

Category E: The completely clueless recruiter

Nothing loses a would-be recruitee's interest faster than realizing her recruiter didn't bother to do his homework -- you know, giving her résumé more than a cursory glance or taking a few minutes to learn about what her job actually entails.


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