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The Macalope Weekly: One side fits all

The Macalope | March 24, 2014
When it comes to the world of punditry about Apple, you must be of a singular vision. And that vision is basically the robot apocalypse future of Terminator, except isolated to Cupertino.

Crayons stuffed into their mouths and pencils up their noses.

And there's no doubt that the wearable space is suddenly getting crowded.

Like the inside of a clown car.

"There's a lot going on in the wearable space, but I think for Apple the pressure is to get it right," [chief of research at Kantar WorldPanel Carolina] Milanesi said.

It's OK for everyone else to release their half-baked concept designs. Nobody expects good work from them.

Well, if this analysis isn't good enough for you, fear not. CNBC has a quote from your go-to source for tech analysis:

Shaq: I'm anxious to see this new iWatch

The Macalope is kind of torn over whether it's better to get tech analysis from Wall Street analysts or professional basketball players. It seems almost indistinguishable.

Baa
The Forbes contributor network brain trust is still slaving away trying to think up new ways that Apple is doomed. Now watch as even Apple's strengths ... become its weaknesses!

Gordon Kelly explains: "The Majority of iPhone Users Admit to 'Blind Loyalty' - Why This Is A Problem For Apple" (no link, but tip o' the antlers to Chris Hisle).

iSheep.

Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding!

Wow, right out of the gate.

That's the retort most readily used to attack owners of Apple AAPL -0.16% kit. It is a wonderfully concise allegation ...

Lazy tropes usually are.

... the thoughtless herd mentality Apple cynics attribute to those happy to spend small fortunes on Macs, MacBooks, iPhones and iPads. Well brace yourself for new forum flame wars because it might just be true.

Or, it might be trumped-up hogwash meant to gain free advertising for a site you've never heard of before. The real answer may not surprise you!

As part of ongoing research into mobile phone purchasing decisions simonlycontracts.co.uk ...

Never heard of them before? Well, now you have. Mission accomplished!

For a second the Macalope thought it was Simonly Contracts, which certainly sounds British, but no, it's SIM Only Contracts. So, a British site that sells SIM cards online polled a bunch of their visitors. This sample is statistically valid for a population of British SIM card purchasers who visited simonlycontracts.co.uk.

... polled 2,275 iPhone owners and found a staggering 59% admitted "blind loyalty" to the handset.

Oh! So, the respondents must have ticked the "yes" box on a question that said "Do you have blind loyalty to the iPhone?"

Actually, no.

The definition was users who stated they would not even consider researching other handsets when upgrading in future.

GASP. Do you mean to tell the Macalope that Simonly Contracts is spinning these results in a salacious manner in order to gin up yes that's what's going on here.

 

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