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The Macalope Weekly: From bad to worse

The Macalope | Oct. 1, 2012
You'd think that if Steve Jobs called you "a slime bucket" for talking out of school about his cancer that you might have the good taste to not presume to lecture on how Apple would be doing if Jobs were still alive.

Now it is Apple's turn to be king of the hill-and, not surprisingly, it has begun to behave in a very similar fashion. You can see it in the patent litigation against Samsung, a costly and counterproductive exercise that has nothing to do with innovation and everything to do with protecting its turf.

Counterproductive?! In what wacky alternate timeline is forcing your biggest smartphone competitor to hand over $3 billion and getting a ban on its products counterproductive? Oh, you can say it's a waste of time, you can say it's beneath Apple, but counterproductive? No.

"Oh my god," read one Twitter message I saw. "Apple maps is the worst ever. It is like using MapQuest on a BlackBerry."

MapQuest and BlackBerry.

Exactly.

Uh-huh. Well, let's not let "anonymous Twitter guy" have the last word. Let's let this guy on Twitter have the last word:

FLOWCHART:

Should I write an article about what Steve Jobs would have done?

No.

Exactly.

A match made in heaven

OK, who got Dan Lyons in the Macalope's Gizmodo?! Who got Gizmodo in the Macalope's Dan Lyons?! Yes, it's two horrible tastes that go terrible together!

"Steve Jobs' Reality Distortion Field Lives On" (Gizmodo and Dan Lyons? Oh, you'd better believe there's no link to that, but tip o' the antlers to AgentKyle).

Trite Apple meme in the headline? Oh, you know it, girl.

The Macalope is confused because he thought Lyons wrote for Newsweek. It seems he still does, according to his bio on the piece, but Newsweek apparently won't let him publish his personal vendetta notes, so he must turn to Gizmodo-and possibly the Weekly World News-to lash out at his critics, of whom MG Siegler and John Gruber are just two.

The rule of thumb for following Apple is that if you want to know what Apple PR's official line is, you just need to read the top-tier Apple apologists like John Gruber and MG Siegler.

And if you ever want to know how to get a situation exactly backwards, read low-tier sensationalist rags like Gizmodo, now with more no-tier writers like Lyons!

They're pretty much operating as unpaid Apple spokesbots.

Unpaid?! Has Lyons seen how much Gruber reportedly makes?

Apple briefs these guys, but instead of having the balls to do it on the record...

Stop the way the technology industry works, Dan Lyons wants to get off!

If we could Dan, we would love to so we could be rid of you.

...Apple feeds them some spin with the condition that they will write it up while attributing their info to "sources who are familiar with the situation."

 

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