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The Floppening, Part VIII: This time, Apple Watch is really a flop

The Macalope | Aug. 14, 2015
Get out your Apple Watch Flop bingo cards because it's time to fill in another square. This time the one that says "Flop." (They all say "flop.")

"This ream of printer paper makes a terrible can opener!"

"Ned, what are you doing, Ned? We talked about this. Put the paper in the printer, Ned. Ned. Ned. NEEEEEEEED!"


You can just say stuff! Dingman offers no evidence to support these opinions. He simply states them as fact without proving them to be fact. Did his break? Did it scratch? Did he find a study that says they break more easily than other devices? These and other questions we shall take to our graves, for there are no answers here, only the wind howling through and empty canyon of the mind.

...and much more expensive than other similarly functioning wearables.

No, not other similarly functioning wearables, other bands that do fitness tracking. Does the Fitbit have an Instagram app?

Apple's own notifications are laughably slow...

In the Macalope's experience, notifications on the Watch come in at virtually the same time as notifications on the phone. He is not going to make a joke about it being related to the metric system because, let's face it, the fact the U.S. isn't on the metric system is an embarrassment.

...and the worst is the day-old text that you get when you strap on your watch in the morning. It's an almost daily reminder that this thing is less useful than your phone.

The horny one is really not sure what Dingman is complaining about here. You pick up your Watch in the morning and it shows you notifications you missed overnight, which is different than what your phone does how?

Or are we just piling any and all Watch complaints onto this bonfire of the frivolities?

Some of this may get better in the fall when Watch OS 2.0 ships, but I still wouldn't recommend buying a Watch at that time.

Why? Because, Dingman says, a new watch will be just around the corner. Or, well, a year away. Just don't buy one, that's the important take-away here. As the Macalope has always said, never buy anything until six minutes before you die. It's the only way to be sure you haven't wasted your money on a device that will later get a nice upgrade. Getting utility out of things now is for suckers.

There are some complaints Dingman makes that are completely valid. Many elements of the interface are slow. The fitness tracking only seems to work consistently if you deliberately launch the workout app. Not everyone needs a $350+ device for notifications, etc. But these valid complaints are so buried in the deluge of unsupported personal opinion that it's like trying to find the season 1 magic in season 2 of True Detective.


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