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Paling in comparison: The Apple Watch and Google Glass

The Macalope | July 15, 2015
Presumably it is possible to write a piece about the Apple Watch that does not make bombastic, over-the-top statements about its doom based on virtually nothing but the feelings of certain members of the technology punditry corps, but why would you?

It's very reminiscent of a similar product release just a few years back, isn't it?

No! It is not. Apple sold more Watches in a weekend than Google shipped Glasses during its whole run. And all without anyone getting punched in the nose (or wrist) for wearing one.

They are both pioneer products in a growing Internet of Things world.

I KNOW MANY TECHNOLOGY CATCH PHRASES. DO NOT TEST ME ON THIS.

And they're expensive Google Glass was priced at $1,500 and the Apple Watch costs at least $349...

[Long, blank stare into the camera. Math no longer has any meaning. The universe falls apart, atom by atom, as the mathematical constants that once held it together vanish in a wisp. The only thing remaining is the Macalope and the camera he continues to stare into, forever.]

But the similarities end there. The Apple Watch launch is not like Google Glass.

Oh, good, finally we're reaching some level of san...

It is potentially much, much worse.

Blaldaflakdjflakdjfalkdjf

For starters, the Apple Watch is a full-blown product, whereas Google Glass was just an experiment.

Uh-huh, so which one should you have had to pay more for, the full-blown product or the experiment?

Glass was not initially billed as an "experiment". It was billed as a beta. It was only after it was taken off the market that Google started calling it an "experiment".

But let us now go to the last word in the Apple Watch's success or failure:

The Apple Watch is not making people or companies quicker, better or wiser. "I don't get it," my 21-year-old son (and tech enthusiast) said to me over the weekend.

Please hold your laughter until all the laugher-containing quotes have been copied and pasted.

"Why would I spend all that money for an Apple Watch when I already have an iPhone?"

Yes, his son does not even own an Apple Watch. A million of the slowest, most sarcastic golf claps.

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Are you kidding?

What did Marks manage to get to span to the second page of this oeuvre? His sig line. It does not matter what spans on to page two, all that matters is that the piece spans to more than one page.

Mission accomplished.

 

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