Presumably it is possible to write a piece about the Apple Watch that does not make bombastic, over-the-top statements about its doom based on virtually nothing but the feelings of certain members of the technology punditry corps, but why would you?
Writing for the Forbes contributor network and helper monkey retirement community, Gene Marks explains "Why The Apple Watch Debut Is Worse For Apple Than Glass Was For Google" (no link, but a tip o' the antlers to Ty Belisle)
Gene, honey, don't.
This is certainly not Marks' first time getting thrown from a sheep at the Forbes small animal rodeo.
As bad as Marks' Apple commentary is, it should be noted that it's not the worst thing Marks has written. Imagine, if you will, a white, middle-aged man writing a piece entitled -- and the Macalope is not making this up -- "If I Were A Poor Black Kid".
Spoiler: He would work hard. Poor black kids can't thank you enough, Gene.
Do you know anyone, specifically anyone not in the tech industry, connected to Apple or a gadget geek, who owns an Apple Watch?
NEW PRODUCT CATEGORY ONLY SELLING TO PEOPLE WHO BUY NEW PRODUCT CATEGORIES.
I don't. I'm sure these people exist. But with all the publicity and fanfare I would've expected to see the Apple Watch everywhere.
Everywhere. Apple Watches all up and down people's arms, on their legs, on their pets' legs.
It's been out for not quite three months in heavily constrained supplies and it only works with an iPhone. In other words, are you literally high right now? Because you shouldn't operate heavy machinery if you are. Or, apparently, a keyboard, either.
Something just doesn't seem right.
That's for sure.
And that something seems to be sales.
Oh, that's not what the Macalope was thinking.
Ever since the early days of its launch, no one has been able to predict with any accuracy the sales of the Apple Watch. But the numbers (and the user reviews) are now just starting to come in.
Actually, no! They aren't! Those Slice numbers the Macalope is sure you're about to quote (and he does) are nigh meaningless and exist solely to promote Slice.
To be fair, it's only been a few months since the product was launched and the company hasn't released official numbers yet. And even the iPhone, which debuted in 2007, didn't really explode until the appearance of Apple's App Store a year later...
You can almost smell the big "but".
But there seems to be a groundswell of disappointment...
This "groundswell of disappointment" is precisely as palpable as Antennagate was.
Here's the thing: If you think the Apple Watch is a failure then you have to believe that smartwatches are a failure as a category because the Apple Watch has trounced sales of all other smartwatches. But no one wants to write that pieces because links exist to be baited.
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