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Not for everyone: You don't have to like the Apple Watch

The Macalope | June 26, 2015
Want to hear something really scary? ZDNet's Ken Hess says the calls to buy an Apple Watch are coming from inside the house!

Want to hear something really scary? ZDNet's Ken Hess says the calls to buy an Apple Watch are coming from inside the house!

"My wife wants an Apple Watch. What's a hater to do?" (tip o' the antlers to @JonyIveParody)

Write a column about it, apparently.

On Father's Day, after I'd opened my new GoPro Hero action camera, my wife informs me that she wants an Apple Watch.

Father's Day = ruined.

She didn't realize that "They're only $349". Only!? By a show of hands, how many of you think that $349 is somehow cheap?

Well, it's all relative, right? Which your wife just proved.

You know, could you just put her on? This would probably go smoother.

But, this isn't about me...

You say that but... here we are.

...it's about my wife and her desire for an Apple Watch.

And how wrong and horrible that is.

I don't really care for wearables, especially so-called smart watches.

If that's even their real name!

If they're so smart, why do you have to constantly tether them to your phone?

If dogs are so smart, why can't they add and subtract fractions? If dolphins are so smart, why haven't they listened to Serial? If bonobos are so smart, why weren't they part of the original Planet of the Apes movies? Huh?!

I already have a phone, so why do I need the watch, if I also have to have my phone too?

Well, the idea is that the Watch acts as a filter for the phone. You can tailor your notifications so that you just get those are more likely to be actionable or informative. Your phone stays in your pocket and you can keep walking the dog, writing, hang gliding, ultimate fighting or whatever it is you're doing. At its best, it's designed to reduce the friction created by that action of pulling your phone out 4,000 times during your ascent of K2. That, along with the fitness tracking, electronic payment and other features, may not be worth $349 to you and that's OK. But it doesn't mean it's not worth it to someone else.

She wants an Apple Watch because she wants to be able to lay her phone down, walk away and still receive email notifications, text notifications, and possibly answer her phone with it.

All valid use cases. Which make Hess so mad.

She also wants the fitness app connection on the Apple Watch. Apparently it has a lot of fitness features that she likes. Florence Griffith Joyner didn't need one to be the fastest woman of all time.

Uh, yeah, but she probably did have a collection of top-notch trainers who did things like track her time, distance and heart rate. The Apple Watch certainly isn't a complete replacement for a trainer but those trainers probably cost a heck of a lot more than $349.

 

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