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BLOG: The Macalope Weekly: Pointless exercises

The Macalope | Aug. 13, 2012
You ever wonder why people write some of these pieces about Apple? The Macalope sure does.

(To be fair, Apple doesnt make Smurfberries or charge consumers to buy more, nor is the strategy by gaming companies unique to apps in the Apple ecosystem).

Ah. To be fair.

Also, Apple uses an inherently unfair system call capitalism that benefits the bourgeoisie at the expense of the proletariat!

To be fair, some other companies may use it, too, but...

Oh, jeez, were only up to number three, which is You kids use the dang technology devices and such too much! You should do more like we did when I was young! Get outside and breathe the air and throw some rocks at people!

Number 4: You may spend more with our devices on bandwidth and shopping because you'll actually enjoy using them, unlike our competitors devices. So sorry.

Number 5: Its been five years since Apple reinvented the smartphone market. Whats the company done for you lately?

Upgrade fatigue isnt the only thing critics dislike about Apples product rollouts; some say the new products arent new enough.

Yeah! Apples only reinvented two markets in the last ten years! Get on it! Your competitors have reinvented & well, none. But, come on! You're Apple!

Oh, God, are we really only half way through with this?

Number 6: iPhones cost too much!

Is the iPhone expensive? Yes, [technology consultant Jeff] Kagan says. It is overpriced? Yes.

Well, that's that, because Jeff Kagan has never said anything dumb about the iPhone before. If theyre so overpriced, the Macalope wonders why people keep buying so many of them?

Number 7: Apples sales staff are too darn good at their jobs!

They emotionally engage you so its harder to say no to their products.

If only the Apple shopping experience were like having a tooth pulled. Like at Best Buy.

Number 8: Other companies sell phones the size of aircraft carrier landing decks with projectors and all kinds of crap in them and Apple doesnt!

Yeah, if other companies followed checklists of features off a bridge instead of making phones that are a pleasure to use, does that mean Apple should, too?

Number 9: Its a trap!

Storing digital content like movies, music and books on Apples ecosystemthe companys compatible suite of hardware and softwaremay lock in customers for life.

For life. Fortunately, no other vendor uses things like ratings or DRM-protected movies. Just Apple.

And now we get to the Macalopes favorite, number 10: Our fans dont care if we screw up.

Indeed, many Apple customers stay loyal to the company even when it disappoints them. Earlier this year a group of Apple customers led by, a for-profit advocacy group, sent a petition to Apple imploring it to improve working conditions at its factories, especially in China. However, the groups members said they wont be discarding their Apple products, or even recycling them.


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